No Need to Fear the Rain
by theladymerlin
Summary: Spike has problems dealing with the soul and his memories


He sits quietly, waiting, watching, his thoughts no longer a refuge from the pounding, dripping onslaught that falls from the darkened sky. Each tick of the clock, echoing loudly and marking the passage of time that has weakened his ability to ignore that which he doesn't wish to see until he has no choice but to face the past. The memories tug endlessly at his mind not wanting to be denied and hidden away in the dark clouds. He closes his eyes as the rain of grief and loss claws its way to the surface and pushes into his consciousness. Behind lids closed as if they could keep the sight at bay, the bitter memories play out inside his psyche.

A very young child with an unruly mop of dark blonde curls cries and reaches for his mother. She turns from him in her grief to shed her tears in private. The pain of loss making her unthinking of her actions as she closes herself in her room, leaving a child to sit in a room alone except for the body of his father and the sound of the rain as it drums a gloomy rhythm against the window. The young boy watches the rivulets of water as they run in uneven trails down the pane of glass, his tears blurring the wavy lines until he escapes from the harsh reality of the room and into the arms of sleep.

The child grows into a man who locks away a memory too painful to be remembered and buries it deep within his mind. He lives his life as best he can and he is a good man who loves deeply but his choice is unfortunate and is his undoing. Heart broken, he runs and meets his fate and a love that will last a hundred years and a strong male vampire he will come to call his sire.

A very young vampire with sandy blonde curls tries to keep his tears inside as he watches his sire turn his back upon his childer. He hides his anguish behind a façade of bitter anger trying to remain strong for his princess. His sire is full of guilt and pain making him thoughtless as he walks out of the house he shares with his family and into the dark, rainy night to face the world alone. The fledgling holds his love close while they sit on the floor before the window watching the sheets of water plunge from the sky. He listens to her sobs even as the silent, sorrowful tears track down his cheeks.

The fledge grows into a Master vampire who locks away another memory too painful to be remembered and vows to never leave anyone he loves. He protects his princess and gives her his all. Cares for her and keeps her safe from harm. Freely gives his heart and she carelessly breaks it and hands back the shattered pieces. Not even wanting to keep them as a reminder of his devotion. Not wanting him, the faithful, lovesick fool but the one who abandoned her, the one who had broken her and then broken her again when he left in the middle of the night. Disappearing into the rain like a ghost, a ghost that would haunt them through the years. He remembers the day she walked out. It was raining. The heavy fat drops a counterpoint to the clicking of her shoes as she walked out without looking back.

The Master locks away the painful memory, stuffing it into a chest already packed with the misery of loss and tries to love again. He slowly grows and changes the course of his existence, becoming more than he was before. His soul burns brightly in his eyes but brings a darkness and chaos to his mind causing the chest heavy with grief to become fragile and the memories to try to escape.

Xander rushes home through the downpour, the need to get home driving him forward at an almost frantic pace. He's worried that Spike will be upset. Bad enough he's late but it's raining and Spike doesn't like the rain. The soul a burden that may have partly broken the vampire but Xander loves him all the same.

With a sense of relief he parks his car and races into the apartment, Spike's name upon his lips. Xander is alarmed to see that the vampire isn't in his usual place and begins an anxious search. He finally hears a noise coming from the closet, very quiet like the cry of a small bird, abandoned and alone. He flings open the door, heart pounding in his chest to see his vampire huddled on the floor of the small space.

"Spike. Spike. Hey it's ok. I'm here."

Large blue eyes filled with fear slowly lift and recognition causes the sobs to taper off to sniffles.

"X – xan?" The pale, trembling arms reach for his lover.

"Yeah. Right here. What happened?" Xander asks taking Spike's fragile body in his arms and rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Th – th – thought the rain came to take you away."

Xander's heart breaks a little bit at those words and he closes his eyes and rests his cheek on the soft blonde hair whispering reassurances and swearing to never be the cause of Spike's tears again.

"Oh, Spike. It's ok. Love you. It's okay. No need to fear the rain. It won't take me away from you. It's ok. No need to fear the rain."


End file.
